I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
