I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
