Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
