i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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