so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
