I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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