Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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