hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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