Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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