She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
