if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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