When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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