So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
