a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
