I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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