I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had to cum in my sink.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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