watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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