But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
