So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
