so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
