Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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