She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
