Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
40s are totally the cure
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
