Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
