Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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