The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
