To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
