I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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