a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
