when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
