If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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