he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
