Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
