If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
