So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
