News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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