I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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