I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
