This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
