I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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