remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
