if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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