My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
