i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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