Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
