Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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