there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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