On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
