this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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