Who wears a wallet chain?!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
