She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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