sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
