mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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