Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
