someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
